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ZacMan1987
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Name: Zack
Birthday: 8/3/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Natural sciences, engineering, cars, and the quest for the perfect (in God's eyes of course) woman. Being everything God has called me to be.
Expertise: Sailing, skiing, catching things on fire, driving stick, potato guns, computers, audio systems, video editing, modifying my 1999 Toyota Celica...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Engineering
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ZacMan1987
Yahoo:  zac_attack1987
Member Since:
4/30/2005
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| So I came here 1.5 years later. I found 4 "personal" messages inviting me to view pr0n, and an invite from menscouch.com. Awesome. It's amazing how little some things can change in 1.5 years, and how much others can.
So much about life has changed since I saw this place last. In 1.5 years, I have traveled thousands of miles, gone from an overworked, underconfident Junior, to a self-assured senior who will graduate on May 12 at 11:30 AM with a BS in Electrical Engineering, Magna Cum Laude, turned down a career offer, walked away from a ready-made life of fast cars, faster careers, big houses, and big oil, and been totally at peace with it.
I walked into a world that was familiar and loving, full of life and friends, cheap beer and cheaper laughs, and it has been dismantled rapidly around me. I have everything that my world has to offer, but I ache inside, because the things I want to change most are utterly, totally, and completely beyond my control. I don't understand it, and even though my mind accepts that, my heart aches in ways that I never thought possible.
I trust my own life to the hands of Christ, and He has never let me down. All I can do is fearfully and tearfully pray that those closest to me do the same. I've come to the realization of what it means to be close to people and share life with them, and often, the burden associated with that. I don't want you to think for a second that I would rather not bear that, but rather would urge you to consider that if I've talked to you this week, that I probably love you more than breath itself.
I'm coming to the realization that when Paul said things like "I count it all as loss," he was serious. I would gladly die tonight for the sake of knowing that I could save one of you. I don't say that with any amount of levity or so that people will look at me and say "what a good Christian that zcrane is." I really don't give a flying crap how people remember me as a person, because people are flawed and untrustworthy. I am flawed and untrustworthy. I say that because I care about people on occasion. When those occasions strike, the caring usually strikes to a painful degree.
I am beyond rough around the edges. The last year or so, it's gotten worse. Those who know me best know that most of the time I am dark and stormy. Stressed, fast-walking, and spewing obscenities that would make a drunk Irishman blush. Those who know me best also know that most of that results from some late night conversation I've had with somebody about difficulties or strife in their life.
Maybe I have some kind of problem, but I feel closest to people when we are dealing with something together, but even closer when the battle's over and we can sit, watch the sun set, and drink Jack in Coke on the other side of it. When I get shut out of the hard places in people's lives, I don't know how to react.
I am not at all a private person. I will go to my grave with basically no secrets. I'd rather you look at me and see everything that made me who I am, because you'll understand me better for it. My story has its amazing and beautiful parts, and most people consider me to be wildly successful. I don't know why. Everything that has happened in my life to bring me to this moment, sitting behind this keyboard, has been completely beyond my control. God, nay, Jesus Christ, is the Great Orchestrator of All Things, and while I believe in free will, I also believe that Christ uses every event that I choose to sanctify me in some way.
The rub is that right now, I don't understand where my relationships are going. I feel like a man, sitting in the Rockies, staring down at the transcontinental railroad, and those nearest and dearest to me are bound, gagged, and lying in the path of a runaway freight train, miles below and across from me. I sit on top of the world, totally at peace with my own decisions, my life's path, and totally in turmoil over those of the ones I love.
I'm fairly certain that this probably makes me a judgmental person. I don't care. I still love you, regardless of whether you think so or not. I'm just not sure how to show it right now.
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| Colossians 1:15-20
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For
by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible
and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all
things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And
he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the
firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the
supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and
through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth
or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the
cross.
Honestly, I do not know whether I have been missing this for a long time, or whether it just isn't a popular thing to teach and believe any more.
To put it in mathematical terms, Jesus is the origin. Time moves infinitely out before and after Him, but everything that proceeded Him pointed to Him, and everything that has happened since He lived, died, and rose again is an effect of that.
Everything about everything is encapsulated in the person of Jesus Christ. It is really popular today to ridicule that phrase as simplistic and to call people who believe that zealots or simpletons, but that is reality to me, and those of you who know me best would call me neither a zealot nor a simpleton.
Jesus is not only the image of the living God, but He is the culmination of God's plan for humanity. Everything in the Bible is either a marker to, or a consequence of, Him.
When you really sit down and start to try and engage the thought process behind Jesus, it starts to blow your mind.
Maybe more on this when I have time. Maybe not...
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| Just be warned ahead of time. I will rage in this post.
If you read it and think it applies to you, it probably does.
If you're offended, sorry. Wasn't meaning to be offensive, but I have not been this sad in a while. I speak out of sadness, not anger.
1 Thessalonians 4:2-8
2For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and
that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage
of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already
told you and warned you. 7For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. People do not say this nearly enough. Sexual immorality on any level will DESTROY you and everyone around you. This weekend was one of the worst I have experienced in a long time. My heart has quite possibly never been torn this badly for 2 people who are very dear to me.
There is a lot to see in this passage. The first thing that I see, because it has been hammered into my brain so many times is the word passion. Passion has come to be a great and wonderful thing in our culture. Remember the Passion of the Christ? That is where this comes from. SUFFERING. I watched 2 dear friends suffer like I have not seen people suffer for a long time. They are still suffering, and their relationship is broken for a good long time. The people they are close to suffered with them. IT SUCKED. In another one of his letters, Paul says "no other sin does a man commit against his own body." Sexual immorality, yours, mine (of which there is a LOT), anybody's, is a sin against OURSELVES, and you and I know this. There are few things that make me feel more like I crappy person than sexual sin. Maybe choking puppies, but probably not even that, since I am down to 1 a month.
The next thing I see is "like the heathen who DO NOT KNOW GOD." Is your walk with God at a plateau? Do you want to know more about God, but know that there is a solid and impenetrable barrier in the way of your spiritual progress? Is there unaddressed sexual sin in your life? I say this with absolutely no equivocation. If you are sinning sexually, you do not know God as you should. This does not mean you do not know God, but you do not know God as you should.
Back up to the beginning of this passage. Ever wonder what God's will for your life is? It is sanctification. That you become that much more like Christ every day. Am I the only person who looks at this passage and wonders how Paul makes the jump from the overarching will of God for your entire life to sexual sin? Could it be that sexual immorality is one of the single largest barriers to your sanctification on this earth? I say that is exactly what that means.
Next the warning. Guess what? The Lord is an avenger in these things. You want to make God really mad? Sin sexually against a fellow human being and creation of God. It might take days, it might take weeks, it might not catch up to you in this lifetime, but in my experience, it can take as little as hours, even minutes, and devastation is wrought on a sickeningly grandiose scale.
Are you feeling me yet? Because this is honestly one of the most near and dear subjects to my heart. Love, Marriage, and Sex are, when correctly combined, the ultimate representation of Christ and the Church. Is it any wonder why He protects them so jealously?
Continuing on, Paul says that the person who rejects this instruction rejects not man, but GOD. I am admittedly a little confused about the first part, but I am going to take a stab at it by an admittedly shaky analogy.
Underage drinking is another rampant problem in America. This will shock a significant portion of you, but I consumed alcohol on numerous occasions underage, and not generally in small quantities. One of my favorite justifications was "well it would not matter in England. I'm legal there." Well that works all well and good, except that this is not England. Now, putting aside the verses about all governmental authority being God given, I was rejecting man. A man (or group of them) decided that consuming alcohol under the age of 21 in America would be against the law. Another man (or group of them) decided that, in England, you can do so at a much younger age.
Man has laid down the particulars of the law when it comes to drinking. When it comes to sex, guess what? There is no middle man. The laws pertaining to sex come STRAIGHT FROM GOD. There is absolutely no law in America that says I cannot have sex with any single and attractive (or unattractive) person over the age of 18 that I want, but GOD HELP ME if I do and we are not married, because that law came STRAIGHT FROM GOD. When you sin sexually, you are sinning not against a rule composed by fallen people who God has, by righteous providence, placed in authority. You are sinning directly against the Big Guy Himself, and by that, I mean this guy.
Revelation 19 11I
saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose
rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes
war. 12His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. 13He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. 14The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. 15Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter."[a] He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. 16On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
Want some? I think I'll pass.
Now by this point, most of you are more than likely wondering who I think I am, and I'm honestly fine with that. I probably suck at this whole "not sinning" thing worse than you. I am not sitting here raining condemnation from the sky, because at the end of the day, some beautiful stuff happens. Stuff like this:
Ephesians 2Made Alive in Christ 1As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2in
which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of
the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in
those who are disobedient. 3All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in
order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of
his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
God does forgive. God does restore. If He didn't, then I would be at the front of the line with the heading entitled "screwed." But never, ever, ever, ever forget that there is a stark difference between the combination of forgiveness and repentance, and excuses and wrath.
If you sin sexually, do whatever, whatever you have to to make it stop. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said "If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to lust, gouge it out." Let's put that into modern terms: "If you cannot stop making out with whoever, then don't see them outside of a large crowd of friends who will hold you accountable. If you struggle with porn, move your computer out of your bedroom, disconnect the internet, and deal with the inconvenience until such a time as it is no longer a problem."
Practice righteousness. It is not enough to put sin on a chain that keeps it just out of reach, because just like a dog who has been chained up for too long, it always finds a way off. If you manage to put your sin on a chain for a while but do not practice righteousness, you will not be prepared when sin finds a way off that chain. How did Jesus end the sermon on the mount? (thank you JC as I shamelessly steal sermon material from a mere 3 hours ago) He said
Matthew 7:24-29
The Wise and Foolish Builders 24"Therefore
everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is
like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The
rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against
that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the
rock. 26But everyone who
hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a
foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." 28When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law. Whatever it takes, you put what you know about sexual sin into practice...er that might have come out wrong... Whatever it takes, ensure that you are prepared to face sexual temptation. Treat that dog as if it is off the chain. Don't go around it without your running shoes, a baseball bat, and a can of pepper spray. Be in God's word. Be good friends with somebody who can look you in the eye and know when you are lying, and who will tell it like it is (an area where I failed both of my dear friends.) Put the tools God has given you to work. Do not wait until you are awash in temptation to pick one up and see how it feels in your hand. You'd better know exactly where it is, and exactly how it works before you need it.
Now, I am going to go do my homework, and let you gape at the ungainly way in which I have wielded the Word, somewhat like a nail studded club, as opposed to the sword it was meant to be, but oh well. 'Twas on my heart, and now, it is off.
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| Tanks. That's right. Men are like tanks. We are loud, often unruly, we cut a wide swath, and scar and scorch that through which we proceed. That is the side that pop culture likes you to see. The flip side is that we are expected to take shots and keep rolling, whilst protecting those who depend on us. I don't have a problem with this role. It's just that often, the accumulations of dings, dents, scrapes, and scars go unnoticed by all but the most attentive of mechanics. Then we see something that triggers a longing to just be normal, simple, clean, and not being shot at. I was watching the OC tonight, watching sailing, and surfing, and thinking of how much I love the water. The perfect curves of a filled sail, and the relentless, rythmic legions of waves, each a new and different experience to be ridden. This prompts me to consider how amazing the upcoming trip to the beach is going to be. I plan on doing basically nothing other than float on a surfboard for a week straight. Walk on the beach, and take beautiful pictures. Oh yeah, and *gasp* drink the occasional guiness, because I'll be allowed to do that now. Basically, I will be in repair. This summer has been such a frenzy of work, play, and meeting new people that I honestly do not think that it has been very restful. Right now, I cannot even fathom walking to class, or going to a football game. It is just too overwhelming. I am weary. Let me rest. | | |
| Matthew 11:12
From the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Equivalently:
Die for something, or live for nothing.
~John Rambo
Put in a slightly more sane way, hardly anything good is found in life without taking risks. Maybe it's moving away. Maybe it's taking an extra-hard class that you're not entirely sure you are capable of passing. Whatever it may be, it is hardly ever fun to start with, it invariably feels nerve-wracking, but on the back side, 99% of the time, you look back and say "that strengthened me."
So I'm off on another risky venture.
Texas calls.
Adios. See you on the flip side of summer.
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